Dear Partners- "who don't handle blood well"
Hello dear partners,
As a doula I hear this concern all the time “I am afraid I might pass out during the birth” or “I don’t really do well with blood” or “I faint easily.” So now you know, if you feel similarly you are not alone!
In this letter I will share some thoughts about birth blood, and then my tips and tricks for staying conscious while you welcome your little one into the world.
Thoughts on birth blood
I am someone who becomes light-headed by the sight of blood very easily, and I support people through labor and delivery as my job. If I can do it, then I believe you can as well.
Birth blood is different than injury blood (for the most part). Birth blood is healthy, it is normal, it is needed, and it makes sense. I equate birth blood to period blood in this way. It can help to know this about birth blood before you see it, because when it is expected you can be prepared.
If you have had traumatic experiences with blood in the past, I encourage you to think about those scenarios and identify how the birth of your baby will be different. Was the blood unexpected? Was someone injured? Did you feel helpless or scared? Was it your blood? Think through those times and notice how birth blood will not be unexpected or due to injury, you will not be helpless, and it won’t be your blood. Reframing your understanding of what blood at birth will be like is really helpful before heading into labor and birth.
Some exceptions
Of course not all blood at a birth is normal and expected. In cases of hemorrhage or cesarean birth, there is more blood than maybe expected. These scenarios are when I have to employ my “staying conscious” tactics, and you may have to as well.
Emma’s proven “stay conscious” tactics for partners at birth
1) For the sake of all things good in the world…Eat! Eating will give you fuel to make it through the harder parts of birth (yes I am talking to you support people!). And not letting your blood sugar drop is key to staying conscious the whole time. Pack snacks that you can eat easily and quickly. Don’t try to tough it out (more on that later).
2) Drink fluids and stay hydrated! Nothing like cold water to keep you awake. Staying hydrated throughout the labor will help you when things get bloodier towards delivery.
3) Have a “fast sugar” option on hand at all times. My go to is a tiny can of ginger ale from the kitchenette (bring your own or ask the nurse for something). Soda, juice, and honey are all great options. Spiking your blood sugar when you feel a little woozy works really well.
4) Anticipate where and when there will be blood, so you have the option to see blood or not.
Bloody show can happy as soon as early labor, it is pinkish or reddish and more like a period. Your partner will see it in their underwear or when they wipe in the bathroom.
More bloody show can present itself during labor, so if your partner isn’t wearing bottoms, some blood may get on the sheet, pillow, towel, or pad that’s between their legs. You may see this blood, but again it is more like dark period blood. Bloody show is caused by the changing cervix. As the cervix softens and opens, blood capillaries can burst and bleed. This is expected and normal and it is a sign of things progressing as they should be.
When the baby’s head starts to come out or crown is another time you may see blood. If the provider is checking baby’s position, or supporting the perineum during pushing, they might have some blood on their hand.
As baby’s head is born, there can be more bleeding. This is most likely from any tears that happened in the vagina. Tearing is normal and expected, but this blood can be brighter red and less like period blood. I encourage partners to watch their baby be born (if the birthing partner wants that too of course), so if you plan to watch your baby come into this world, be prepared that there will be some blood.
Once the baby is here you will probably be focusing on them and be standing closer to your partner’s head admiring your little one. This is when there will be the most bleeding from the vagina especially as the placenta is born. Your provider may be holding some gauze to absorb blood, so this blood can feel the most medical of it all.
After the placenta is born, the immediate bleeding slows, and any stitches are given, an ice pack and pad are placed between your partner’s legs to absorb postpartum bleeding. You probably won’t see this bleeding, but you may and now you know to expect it.
(I know this makes it sound like there is a lot of blood all the time in labor, and that isn’t really true, I am just being thorough.)
5) Expecting blood at a cesarean birth
Cesarean birth has different blood than a vaginal birth, because it is a surgery. If your negative experiences with blood have been in a medical setting, the operating room might pose more of a challenge. Eat and drink before you go in, and have your fast sugar while you wait to be let in. Take some deep breaths and think about meeting your little baby so soon!
Your partner will be lying on an operating table, and you will be led to sit over their left shoulder. A drape is hung across your partner’s chest, so you will not be able to see the birth as it happens. Because of this, avoiding blood at a cesarean birth is not too challenging.
I encourage you to keep your eyes on your partner’s eyes, talk to them, and when your baby is born you can admire them. If you don’t look around a lot, you probably won’t see blood.
When the drape comes down at the end of the delivery, continue to keep your eyes on your partner’s face, if you look around you may see blood on the pads and gauze near your partner’s stomach.
6) Step away at any point if you need to. Your partner will not be alone (especially if you have a doula), and it’s more important for you to stay vertical in those moments. Take some deep breaths, drink your cold water or eat something. You are not weak if you take a minute for yourself, you are smart.
I use all these tactics at births, and I encourage you to as well. I haven’t passed out at a birth yet, so I am a believer!
Last thoughts
You are less likely to pass out or faint if you tell people beforehand you are worried that you might. Don’t try to be tough or do it on your own, it’s not worth it. Let your doula know, let the nurses know. They can help you by letting you know when and where blood will be (I do this all the time for partners).
This is part of planning for labor and birth, so thanks for thinking about it.
I know these are a lot of details, and I hope it doesn’t feel overwhelming, just take what works for you and leave the rest.
I will be right there with you staying hydrated, eating fast sugar, and stepping away if need be, it’s part of the process of being a birth support person.
Your teammate in staying vertical,
Emma